Faith in our Fathers
Although West Virginia children will be preparing to return to school when this article
is published, I am writing these words on a beautiful June Father's Day. I am thinking
about being a father and being a son, and how grateful I am for the experience.
Sadly, Father's Day is not a joyous occasion for millions of divorced or never married
fathers in this country who do not see enough of their children. Father's Day also is
unhappy for millions of children who do not see enough of their fathers.
Increasing rates of divorce and out of wedlock births have devastated families and hurt
children. Roughly 80 percent of divorced fathers nationwide lose primary custody of their
children to their ex-wives.
Many of these fathers become only weekend and holiday visitors in their children's lives.
That's not parenting. Many other fathers only see their children in the summer and on
holidays. That's not parenting.
You may think it's not important whether a father is absent or not. But you would be
wrong. Kathleen Parker, writing in the Orlando Sentinel, points out that a father's
absence is one of the most important predictors of drug abuse, truancy, sexual
promiscuity, and criminal behavior in children. More than 70 percent of all juveniles in
long-term correctional facilities grew up without fathers at home. Statistics show a
direct correlation between a father's visitation and his payment of child support.
Arrangements where fathers do not see enough of their children are costly, alienating, and
counterproductive to kids, families, and society.
Let me be clear. I am not defending the brute who physically abuses his wife and children,
or the deadbeat dad who won't pay child support. These men, however, make up only a small
percentage of fathers. Statistics show 80 percent of fathers with regular visitation with
their children pay child support in full and on time. Most fathers love their children and
desperately want to be an equal part of their lives.
The reality that most fathers are good fathers has been distorted in recent years with
prevalent media portrayals of fathers as deadbeats, scoundrels, or simply unnecessary. I
grew up with a host of father role models, such as the dads in the popular television
shows "Ozzie and Harriet" or "Father Knows Best." I am hard pressed to
come up with many positive father role models when I go to the movies or turn on the
television today.
There is a ray of light at the end of the tunnel. The courts are recognizing that kids
desperately need both parents and are working to do something about it.
The passage of West Virginia's new family law bill in 1999 favors shared parenting, and
allows family law masters to require mediation and parent education so parents can work
out custody issues and do a better job of helping their children adapt to the divorce.
There also is a new emphasis on preventing divorce before a marriage begins. Required
pre-marital counseling, particularly in the Catholic Church, has long-existed in the
spiritual community. A new Florida state law offers couples a discount on their marriage
license if they take a class on marriage skills before they take their marriage vows. I
used to think we were making it too easy to get a divorce. Perhaps the real problem is
that it is too easy to get married.
I know the views I express in this column may be seen as controversial. I do not mean for
them to be, but as a father and as a son I feel obligated to speak out. I want as many
children as possible to know the joy of being fully raised by two parents, whether they
are divorced, never married, or married. I want our society to once again have faith in
and appreciate the importance of fatherhood in the lives of our children. I believe it is
our court system's first obligation to help make this dream a reality.